Desire

Desire
Long ago pushed aside
Given up on
Put asunder as not to create
Frustration, or desperation
Too deep to bear

Desire
No thank you
Leave me to be where I am
Let me be thankful for what I have
Rather than longing for what I’ve lost

He looks down,
His eyes penetrating this heart
That His hands fashioned,
“It’s not too much, love.
The deep within
Given by Me,
Buried by you.
It’s not too pressed down,
Not too far gone
That it can’t be known again.”

Surrender,
An open heart and
an open life,
Nothing to lose
Nothing to hide

How can I possibly
Let my heart die
and at the same time
Say You’re alive

An institutionally-prepared religion
Upholding words, withholding heart
To ones desperately seeking,
to those crying out
Never what it (or I) was meant to be

Heartache births hope afresh
Brokenness draws You near
Let desire within,
Erupt into life without
That many may see
And that I may believe

#februaryfreewrite

Advertisements

Waiting

The stirrings inside
Moving, waiting, hoping
Tumultuous but calming again
What is coming
What shall come

Expectant I wait
And trust
And hope
And pray
Desperate prayers

Remembering
Hoping
That You still see
You still move
And You’re still answering

A light at my feet
Just enough
To take a step
But only one step forward
At a time

You know
Oh God
You know
My hope
And my expectation
I wait for You
The One who knows
Me so well
And loves me so completely

#februaryfreewrite

A Hope Within

A hope within
A life to live
A soul full

Letting go of that which weakens,
diminishes and eventually dies
Taking hold of that which strengthens,
builds, and breathes new life

That which is given
I receive
That which is taken
I let go

Wisdom taking hold
Revelation pressing down
Waiting for response, movement, affirmation

I respond,
I look up to the mountains from where my help comes
My hands on my eyes
“Let me see, O God!”
My hands on my ears
“Please, let me hear your voice!”
“My heart, Abba, oh this heart,
Keep it Abba. Keep this heart close to you all of my days.
Let me always be close to you.
Let me know You
and let me comprehend your ways.”

linking up with #FMF

Abba Father

You
and then me

You
running after me
coming after me
chasing me down

You
calling out my name
reminding me who I am
of who I belong to

“Daughter,” you said.
I turned around astonished
Almost asking who you were,
as if I didn’t know
Yet that word, that one word caught my heart off guard

“Daughter,” you said again.
“Abba, is that you? Abba Father, is that you?” I said, as if my eyes were blind
and I could not see
In a fatherless world of perfectionism
and survival of my soul
My breath nearly left me
My soul was shaking

I knew this One
I had heard about Him all of my life
And hoped the stories were true
I knew Him
Deep within I knew
“Abba Father, thank God You’re real and You came. You came for me.”
With these words I ran to Him
My heart wide open
into His arms wide open

This daughter
Full of grief
Heart bleeding
Hurting so deeply
And angry, so angry
That he had been taken
The father I’d always hoped to get to know left this life
No stable ground
Anywhere

Loss untold
and grief beyond understanding
As it goes

And only You
Only You
My Abba Father
Could relieve this suffering
Only you could heal this broken heart
Only you could remove the shame and darkness
That dampened my soul for more years than I wish to recall

Abba Father
You father the fatherless
You comfort the motherless
You answer the cries of the brokenhearted
and you heal the wounded soul

Astounding
Incomprehensible
Mystery Unimaginable

May my life be the song of love I sing back to you
Because you’ve given me life and you’ve been so kind
Gratitude and thanksgiving this day I choose

#februaryfreewrite