Desire

Desire
Long ago pushed aside
Given up on
Put asunder as not to create
Frustration, or desperation
Too deep to bear

Desire
No thank you
Leave me to be where I am
Let me be thankful for what I have
Rather than longing for what I’ve lost

He looks down,
His eyes penetrating this heart
That His hands fashioned,
“It’s not too much, love.
The deep within
Given by Me,
Buried by you.
It’s not too pressed down,
Not too far gone
That it can’t be known again.”

Surrender,
An open heart and
an open life,
Nothing to lose
Nothing to hide

How can I possibly
Let my heart die
and at the same time
Say You’re alive

An institutionally-prepared religion
Upholding words, withholding heart
To ones desperately seeking,
to those crying out
Never what it (or I) was meant to be

Heartache births hope afresh
Brokenness draws You near
Let desire within,
Erupt into life without
That many may see
And that I may believe

#februaryfreewrite

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Waiting

The stirrings inside
Moving, waiting, hoping
Tumultuous but calming again
What is coming
What shall come

Expectant I wait
And trust
And hope
And pray
Desperate prayers

Remembering
Hoping
That You still see
You still move
And You’re still answering

A light at my feet
Just enough
To take a step
But only one step forward
At a time

You know
Oh God
You know
My hope
And my expectation
I wait for You
The One who knows
Me so well
And loves me so completely

#februaryfreewrite

A Hope Within

A hope within
A life to live
A soul full

Letting go of that which weakens,
diminishes and eventually dies
Taking hold of that which strengthens,
builds, and breathes new life

That which is given
I receive
That which is taken
I let go

Wisdom taking hold
Revelation pressing down
Waiting for response, movement, affirmation

I respond,
I look up to the mountains from where my help comes
My hands on my eyes
“Let me see, O God!”
My hands on my ears
“Please, let me hear your voice!”
“My heart, Abba, oh this heart,
Keep it Abba. Keep this heart close to you all of my days.
Let me always be close to you.
Let me know You
and let me comprehend your ways.”

linking up with #FMF

Abba Father

You
and then me

You
running after me
coming after me
chasing me down

You
calling out my name
reminding me who I am
of who I belong to

“Daughter,” you said.
I turned around astonished
Almost asking who you were,
as if I didn’t know
Yet that word, that one word caught my heart off guard

“Daughter,” you said again.
“Abba, is that you? Abba Father, is that you?” I said, as if my eyes were blind
and I could not see
In a fatherless world of perfectionism
and survival of my soul
My breath nearly left me
My soul was shaking

I knew this One
I had heard about Him all of my life
And hoped the stories were true
I knew Him
Deep within I knew
“Abba Father, thank God You’re real and You came. You came for me.”
With these words I ran to Him
My heart wide open
into His arms wide open

This daughter
Full of grief
Heart bleeding
Hurting so deeply
And angry, so angry
That he had been taken
The father I’d always hoped to get to know left this life
No stable ground
Anywhere

Loss untold
and grief beyond understanding
As it goes

And only You
Only You
My Abba Father
Could relieve this suffering
Only you could heal this broken heart
Only you could remove the shame and darkness
That dampened my soul for more years than I wish to recall

Abba Father
You father the fatherless
You comfort the motherless
You answer the cries of the brokenhearted
and you heal the wounded soul

Astounding
Incomprehensible
Mystery Unimaginable

May my life be the song of love I sing back to you
Because you’ve given me life and you’ve been so kind
Gratitude and thanksgiving this day I choose

#februaryfreewrite

Running on the Hills

Credit to @deskgram/i_just_fly_the_drone

Abba’s house came into sight and little girl’s feet went from a brisk gait to a near sprint as she approached home from a long day’s walk. She had walked up and down the beautiful rolling hills for hours that had seemed like days. She had encountered and learned many things that Abba had told her about.

From Abba’s porch when she had sat on Abba’s lap she had only seen the hills from a distance and the magnitude of their height and their depth had been lost on little girl. Of course, that was soon after she had met Abba and had begun to realize she was home and that Abba was faithful and would never forget her nor leave her alone.

As she saw home from that little distance after a day away, where she had taken in new and wonderful things, she also saw Abba. He was waiting for her just where she’d bid him goodbye. As she saw Him again and ran towards Him, she realized how much she had missed Him and how thankful she was to be back home.

Not Forgotten, Not Forsaken

Taking a moment away from Abba and little girl’s story.

Surrender

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All you want from me
is everything,
All you desire is that
I give you the core of me,
All that you long for in me
is surrender,
Complete wholehearted trust
in who you are
and who I am in you

Today afresh I surrender,
Today anew I give you my all,
All I am today
and all I hope to become,
I trust you in this place
of uncertainty and lack

Right here, right now
In the questions I trust you,
For you have not brought me this far
to abandon me,
You have not brought me to the mountain
to leave me alone

Pause

The test, the crux
Forgotten, forsaken?
Why so much heartache,
why so much loss
Chosen for this?
The cry of your brethren
How will you answer?
Adonai Eloheinu,
Please answer,
King of the whole earth,
Please answer

Surely you did not save your people
from complete destruction
to leave them alone,
Surely you did not bring them home
to forget them in this dry and weary land

Abba in heaven
Please come
Please answer
Please comfort the heart of Jerusalem
Please comfort the hearts of your people
Please answer the cries deep within
Abba, have mercy
Beautiful one, have mercy

Pause

Today I say yes again
I trust You fully,
Completely,
Wholeheartedly

I give you myself,
my life,
All I am is Yours
for You created me
You made me for Yourself

You are Creator and You are good
There is none like You
No one before You
No one after you

Everlasting Adonai
Who created Jacob,
Beloved Abba
Who formed Israel,
Who redeemed and called Israel by name
And said, You are Mine

Who is like you?
No one
There is not one higher,
Nor one greater
There is not one kinder
Beloved G-d and King

Tears of Surrender

girl_hugging_father_1782987-version-3

“Abba, what’s happening? Why does it seem like you’ve left? Why can’t I find you?” little girl said in a sad quiet tone. She mostly was talking to herself as she stared at the ground, not seeing the fresh green grass or the caterpillar climbing on the top of the highest blade of grass.

“Little girl, were you talking to me?” Abba asked, the soft gentle tone of his voice bringing a peace to little girl’s heart that she didn’t know she’d lost.

“Abba, you’re here!” little girl exclaimed with surprise, “Where were you? I couldn’t find you.”

“I know, sweet girl. I know. I love you so much and I am right here with you. I never left.”

“Really?” Little girl responded with surprise in her voice. “I couldn’t find you. I thought you had something more important to do. I got so scared.”

As little girl said these words the tears began to flow freely down little girl’s face one by one by one. She couldn’t quite comprehend what had happened and why she was so sad.

“I’ll never leave you, my sweet girl. I’ll never forsake you. Do you believe me?” Abba said as he picked her up and held her close, wiping every single tear away.

Little girl buried her head in Abba’s chest and shook her head in acknowledgment of what he had just asked her. “Yes, Abba, I believe you,” she said not wanting to move her head away from his chest.

Little girl wanted to stay right there forever.

Photo Credit: visualphotos.com