The stirrings inside
Moving, waiting, hoping
Tumultuous but calming again
What is coming
What shall come
Expectant I wait
That You still see
You still move
And You’re still answering
A light at my feet
To take a step
But only one step forward
At a time
And my expectation
I wait for You
The One who knows
Me so well
And loves me so completely
and then me
running after me
coming after me
chasing me down
calling out my name
reminding me who I am
of who I belong to
“Daughter,” you said.
I turned around astonished
Almost asking who you were,
as if I didn’t know
Yet that word, that one word caught my heart off guard
“Daughter,” you said again.
“Abba, is that you? Abba Father, is that you?” I said, as if my eyes were blind
and I could not see
In a fatherless world of perfectionism
and survival of my soul
My breath nearly left me
My soul was shaking
I knew this One
I had heard about Him all of my life
And hoped the stories were true
I knew Him
Deep within I knew
“Abba Father, thank God You’re real and You came. You came for me.”
With these words I ran to Him
My heart wide open
into His arms wide open
Full of grief
Hurting so deeply
And angry, so angry
That he had been taken
The father I’d always hoped to get to know left this life
No stable ground
and grief beyond understanding
As it goes
And only You
My Abba Father
Could relieve this suffering
Only you could heal this broken heart
Only you could remove the shame and darkness
That dampened my soul for more years than I wish to recall
You father the fatherless
You comfort the motherless
You answer the cries of the brokenhearted
and you heal the wounded soul
May my life be the song of love I sing back to you
Because you’ve given me life and you’ve been so kind
Gratitude and thanksgiving this day I choose
“Abba, what’s happening? Why does it seem like you’ve left? Why can’t I find you?” little girl said in a sad quiet tone. She mostly was talking to herself as she stared at the ground, not seeing the fresh green grass or the caterpillar climbing on the top of the highest blade of grass.
“Little girl, were you talking to me?” Abba asked, the soft gentle tone of his voice bringing a peace to little girl’s heart that she didn’t know she’d lost.
“Abba, you’re here!” little girl exclaimed with surprise, “Where were you? I couldn’t find you.”
“I know, sweet girl. I know. I love you so much and I am right here with you. I never left.”
“Really?” Little girl responded with surprise in her voice. “I couldn’t find you. I thought you had something more important to do. I got so scared.”
As little girl said these words the tears began to flow freely down little girl’s face one by one by one. She couldn’t quite comprehend what had happened and why she was so sad.
“I’ll never leave you, my sweet girl. I’ll never forsake you. Do you believe me?” Abba said as he picked her up and held her close, wiping every single tear away.
Little girl buried her head in Abba’s chest and shook her head in acknowledgment of what he had just asked her. “Yes, Abba, I believe you,” she said not wanting to move her head away from his chest.
Little girl wanted to stay right there forever.
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“Hey little girl, we’re on a journey. Remember?” Abba said to little girl as she stared at the ground, her face downcast.
She looked up at Abba, considering what he had said. “I remember. I do. It’s a journey and you’re with me on this journey. But Abba, can’t it be a little easier?”
Abba looked down at little girl and saw one tear after another slowly falling down her cheeks. He saw her tears and he saw her struggles. Most of all He saw her heart and he knew how much she loved him.
Abba loved little girl so. He delighted in her and he knew she would stay the course with him.
“Abba,” little girl said with joy and even some laughter as she awoke from a dream in which she felt Abba’s love afresh. In little girl’s dream she had been running and playing and swimming, and even surfing in the ocean with Abba.
Abba was standing in the doorway as little girl opened her eyes, realizing she had been dreaming. Abba looked at little girl and his heart overflowed with delight. He loved her so far beyond words or description. He loved his children in a way so few comprehended. As he thought about his little ones, tears began to form in his eyes.
Little girl looked up and saw Abba and realized she had been dreaming. She smiled and jumped out of bed. She ran up to Abba, feeling so much love for him.
“Little girl, how would like to run and play and swim, and maybe even surf in the ocean with me today?” Abba asked her with a glimmer in his eyes. Little girl knew that Abba somehow knew what her dream had been and he also knew what made her heart soar.
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“Hey little girl,” Abba said as little girl stared up at him with a restless look, waiting to hear what he would say to her.
“Be still. Peace is yours, my sweet girl. You have nothing to fear or worry about. I have it all figured out. I’ll tell you when it’s time. Let’s go on a little walk,” with that Abba turned around and began to walk towards the beautiful hills, taking one large step at a time. He would turn around to make sure little girl was following and she did. She was so close behind him almost stepping on the backs of his heels to keep up with him.
“Little girl, I see your heart. This isn’t too difficult. I have a wonderful plan for you. I know you’ve been waiting all this time and wanting all that I have for you. I know. I understand. I remember the time. I won’t forget about you or leave you behind. Just follow me. I have wonderful things in store for you, wonderful things.”
“Are you sure, Abba?” Little girl said quietly, wondering about what Abba had just said and remembering the difficulties of her earlier years.
“Little girl, come here,” Abba spoke these words and picked her up. He held her tightly in his arms once again. Little’s girls tears came down one after another as she let go and let him show her once again how much he loved her.
Write 31 Days
Creative and Free Five Minute Free Writes
Just when little girl thought it all was too much and she wasn’t sure if she would make it through the terrible storm, a wave of grace came and picked her up. This happened time and time again.
When the tears seemed enough for her to swim in, something shifted and her heart found renewed life. Her heart was renewed as she remembered how much Abba loved her. Her soul found life when she recalled that Abba was her father for good.
When the clouds and the rains seemed to muddle her mind, little girl remembered her adoption day. She remembered how Abba had reassured her of his great love for her time and time again.
Write 31 Days
Creative and Free Five Minute Free Writes