Long ago pushed aside
Given up on
Put asunder as not to create
Frustration, or desperation
Too deep to bear

No thank you
Leave me to be where I am
Let me be thankful for what I have
Rather than longing for what I’ve lost

He looks down,
His eyes penetrating this heart
That His hands fashioned,
“It’s not too much, love.
The deep within
Given by Me,
Buried by you.
It’s not too pressed down,
Not too far gone
That it can’t be known again.”

An open heart and
an open life,
Nothing to lose
Nothing to hide

How can I possibly
Let my heart die
and at the same time
Say You’re alive

An institutionally-prepared religion
Upholding words, withholding heart
To ones desperately seeking,
to those crying out
Never what it (or I) was meant to be

Heartache births hope afresh
Brokenness draws You near
Let desire within,
Erupt into life without
That many may see
And that I may believe


A Medley of Short Notes to Grief

I am joining with Kate Motaung for letters to grief link up :: share your story

A Medley of Short Notes to Grief
(in which my convoluted relationship with grief displays itself)


Letter to Grief Part I
O grief, my heart and thoughts are divided over you. I love you and I hate you. You’ve been too close of a companion since I was young when my father departed this phase of life.

You remind me over and over that you are there, and that you await me. You attempt to wrap your tentacles of sorrow around my soul, hoping I will again believe you instead of believing Abba. You remind me of my history, and sometimes tell me what my future will be.

Yet, here, O grief, I draw the line. You cannot and will not dictate what is to come for me. My good Abba decides such things, and I will listen to and agree with His desire and care for my soul.

You will not tell my heart what I must believe. Your shadow is not greater than Abba’s light. Your platter of intricately fashioned heaviness that you try to serve me is not tempting anymore. I choose life and joy instead. You are diminishing in me as His whisper awakens my soul.

Use_Your_Handwriting_App 2

Letter to Grief Part II
You are an ebb and flow, O grief
As the vibrancy of the notes of the symphony rise with ever-increasing intensity and then fall again, you are the stringed instrument left playing a soft chilling refrain eerily murmuring to my soul,
I attempt to shut out your haunting melody not wanting to hear one more familiar note

You are not my friend, yet you have been so close
You crept up on me so many years ago
You visited once, and then came back again and again,
Presuming you were welcome

Grief, you are woefully terrible.
You are an opportunist waiting for a miscommunication, or a feeling of rejection, or a lie, or an accusation to hastily show up again

Grief, you haven’t told me the truth. You’ve tried to come and find me and strangle me. You’ve crossed the line.

You’ve attempted to seize my heart as if you were its master
Yet, grief, you are not my master, and you are not my friend
Death, where you find your strength, will one day be overcome
The sting of death is already awaiting burial

Time after time, again and again, you come and you attempt to grasp hold of my heart and my emotions, yet you have lost

Grief, go back to the pit where you belong

Death, sorrow, and mourning will one day soon have its end
Grief, you will go with them to burn up and be consumed by life eternal

Use_Your_Handwriting_App 3

Letter to Grief Part III
O grief, can I cast you away altogether?
For I remember when you first came, and He came as well
I remember when you visited me with your waves of sadness
So He visited me with a deluge of His comfort

O grief, can I condemn you altogether?
For every time you visited, He came too
Every moment you tried to grip my soul,
All I had to do was cry out and Abba quickly rescued my soul from you

As I end my letter, I turn my words and my eyes to Abba who is my true Friend, my true Master, and my true Father

I say to Him:

Abba, Father, My G-d, My Maker
It is with gratefulness I write
It is with thankfulness I am able to seek you
It is with gladness deep within my heart and soul
That I cry out to You today,
To the One who found me in the midst of misery and loss
You found me, You rescued me,
You saved me from darkness and death completely
You brought me joy,
And You will bring me joy again,
That I may know You more,
That I may serve You wholeheartedly
That I may love You and love others freely
Without fear of loss
Your love will wipe out death and sorrow and grief
Thank You that Your love and Your life within will have its way in me


a prayer to the G-d who is able – day 25

Every Day for Thirty-One Days
Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

31 Days edit big

A Prayer to the G-d Who is Able

Abba, You know, You see the one who lost her father
and cannot find a safe place to grieve

Abba, You know, You see the woman who lost her husband
and can barely get her children dressed every morning,
Let alone comfort their fearful hearts in the midst
of loss, instability and insecurity all around

Abba, You know, You see the parents
who longed and longed for a baby,
and then finally received a baby girl
only to lose her three months later
because of one man’s hate
for a people You love beyond comprehension

Abba, You see the lost, the broken, the poor, the afflicted,
You see and You care and You move on their hearts

Abba, You see the recently fatherless teenage girl looking for affirmation and protection,
You see the grieving widow and children who are confused and sad
and don’t know where to turn,
You see the parents of the lost baby girl who now feel lost themselves,
You see the desperate, the lonely, the ones who have no way if You don’t come

Abba, I ask today that You would visit these ones,
and the other ones who are in desperate need of You today,
Would You break in by Your Spirit and touch these hearts and lives
and bring forth hope, restoration and redemption on their behalf
Would You make a way where there is no way for these afflicted ones

Abba, please have mercy, please make Yourself known
As Abba, Deliverer, Provider, Rescuer today
on behalf of the least in the Land You call home

This prayer is on behalf of friends in Israel today.

For Day 21 You do not forget Israel
For Day 22 Expectation Kadosh (Holy)
For Day 23 Will you watch for an hour?
For Day 24 faithful G-d

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge

Write 31 Days


31 Days FMF


You do not forget Israel – day 21

Every Day for Thirty-One Days
Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

31 Days edit big

You do not forget Israel

Abba, what is on Your heart for Israel today
I want to daily partner with You for
that which beats deeply within Your heart
Abba, how do You feel about those You deeply desire
How does Your heart burn for Your beloved one

Abba, would You visit those who are hopeless in Tel Aviv today
and show them You love them
Abba, would You visit the captives, the brokenhearted ones throughout the Land
That many would find hope and life in You today

Abba, please show Your beloved ones they are not forgotten
and they are not forsaken
Even as a mother does not forget the child of her womb,
You do not forget Your firstborn child Israel
The one who came after You in the wilderness
in the days of her youth,
in a land not sown
You remember Israel
You remember Your beloved one

Draw Your people home in Your tender mercy
Bring them near in Your lovingkindness
O Abba, Israel needs You
And we long for Israel to know You intimately

For Day 17 friend of G-d
For Day 18 restore Zion
For Day 19 You are the G-d of restoration
For Day 20 Bring Your People Home

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge

Write 31 Days


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restore Zion – day 18

Every Day for Thirty-One Days
Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

31 Days edit big

Today’s Prompt: Taste

retore Zion

Abba, connect our hearts with Yours today
Related to Your people Israel
And let our prayers reach Your ears
And reach Your heart
That the answers would rain down upon
Israel today

Abba, good Father of Israel
Would You open eyes to see,
Open ears to hear,
and soften hearts to believe
Would You let many taste and see Your great goodness
to them, and to all

Abba, restore Israel’s vision
Let them see
Restore Israel’s soul
Let them believe
Restore Israel’s hope
May this be an hour of hope restored
Great G-d of hope
G-d who restores the brokenhearted

Abba, would You bring redemption to Zion
Would You pour out restoration like rain,
the former and latter rain together
For Zion’s sake
For Jerusalem
That Zion would shine with righteousness
That Jerusalem would burn with salvation

Abba, this is Your desire
Satisfy Your own heart
Bring Israel home to You

Thank You, great G-d of restoration

For Day 15 LIFE for Israel go to
For Day 16 hearts to turn & be healed go to
For Day 17 friend of G-d

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge

Write 31 Days


31 Days FMF


His love is enough – day 14

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge

Every Day for Thirty-One Days
Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

31 Days edit big

Today’s Prompt: Away

His love is enough

I can’t run away
from You,
From Your unrelenting, persevering love
Your love chases me down
When I’m not sure if anyone’s there
or if anyone cares,
Your love wraps all around me
You bring me to my knees
My heart feels Your mercy
The tears begin to fall
No matter the pain, or darkness,
No matter the anguish I’ve known
Your love reaches me
Your love chases me down

You have a son, Father
Your son is Israel
He cannot, will not get away from Your love
Abba, Father
If Your love is enough for me
Your love is enough
Your love is more than enough for Your beloved Son
Your beautiful one
Abba, may Your lovingkindness that chases me down
Bring Your people near once again
May Your tender mercy fall upon their hearts
May Your beautiful love draw them in
Abba, Your love is enough
For all of Israel’s pain and suffering

Israel, He sees, He knows, He comprehends all your ways
Let Him in again
He will heal Your broken heart
He will comfort your shaken soul
He is enough
And His desire is for you, O Israel
Abba longs that you come home

For Day 11 my perfect Father with a beautiful heart go to
For Day 12 G-d’s choice – a prayer go to
For Day 13 the labor of His soul go to

31 Days FMF

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the labor of His soul – day 13

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge

Every Day for Thirty-One Days
Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

31 Days edit big

the labor of His soul

Praying with G-d for the brokenhearted ones
Laboring with the holy One on behalf of the afflicted
Toiling that one may find life eternal, and now

The labor of love
A life given, not taken
The labor of His soul shall be satisfied
The people of His heart
and the people of His blood
Not forgotten,
Not forsaken

The people He came from
Unaware of all He did, and all He said
but mostly unaware of His great love for them
Rejected, left alone, not cared for

O Abba,
May the heart cries of Your firstborn throughout the ages come up
to Your ears and bring hope and life eternal back down to their hearts

O Abba,
May the labor of His soul be satisfied

O Abba,
May Your heart’s desire for the people of Israel be made known

The labor of love
The desire of Your heart
to say to all who are thirsty, “Come!”
That the living water of life be poured out
May the light be shed abroad in the heart of Israel today

For Zion’s sake I will not be silent
For Jerusalem’s sake I will not hold My peace
Until her righteousness goes forth as brightness
and her salvation as a lamp that burns 1

Zion, Jerusalem, Israel
Come home
Draw Near
He waits for You

1 Isaiah 62:1

For Day 10 aching with G-d go to
For Day 11 my perfect Father with a beautiful heart go to
For Day 12 G-d’s choice – a prayer

31 Days FMF

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Abba, please come

Have you ever felt desperate in waiting
The knowledge that if He doesn’t come
There’s no way forward for you

Desperate, pressed beyond measure
Wondering if He’ll ever come

Will You come
You say You will
You said You would
You’ve done it before

O Abba, My Father
I need Your help today
I need Your help more than I did yesterday
I need Your life and Your light and Your hope
to break in and lead Me to the water that is living,
to the rock that is higher

Abba, make a way where there seems to be no way
Abba, make a way for Israel
Where there seems to be no safe place
Find Israel a home in You
Let Israel find their rest in You

Abba, You are good, You are kind
This is not in vain
Let my life and my losses
not be in vain
Let the ache of my heart be satisfied in You
Let the ache of Israel’s heart be satisfied in You

Thank you Abba
You are a good Abba


I am joining with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. The goal is to write for five minutes about a word. No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Today’s prompt is:


I am grateful for You,
My G-d, My King
My Abba, My Husband,
My Saviour, My Friend

You are My Beloved and I am Yours

If I wrote every minute of every hour of every day
for the rest of my life
I could not say enough
of how beautiful You are
and how grateful I am
that You came for me
I could not express
how deeply thankful I am that
You, the Perfect One
reached down to
me, the Broken one
and whispered life into
the deepest caverns of my soul

All of the expressions and songs of love
could never adequately tell of
who You’ve become to me

You are the One I’ve always wanted

You are the One who kept me
when all seemed lost
You are the One who rescued me
when darkness was closing in
You are the One who swept me up
in the depths of love, real love
for the first time in my life
You are the One who knew me
in my mother’s womb
You are the One who set me apart
for Yourself
You are the One who gave my life meaning
when I did not know You
You had my life written on the palms of Your hands
And You made sure
I would be here today, saying,
“I love You, My Beloved, My Friend”
Because how else could I respond to such a gift of love

In You I move and breathe and have my being
Thank You,
G-d of life who gave me life
Thank You

Five Minute Friday

desperate reach

Reaching, pressing, pulling, desperately hoping
something will give in the wrestle I find myself in
with the One who holds my soul.

I try, G-d, You know I do.
I try to find You here,
and I try to find You there
yet it seems as if You’ve found a place just beyond my reach, maybe hidden in plain sight.

I’m afraid to even ask or presume a question that hints of accusation against You. Yet, in certain moments, when the pain seems too much again, my soul seems to bubble up with allegations against the only One whom I can trust. The terrifying place of looking at this broken heart and letting it feel. The fearful thought that if this heart really gets to feel will I make it back to gather myself into the person whose fragments have fallen down all around my feet.

Deliverer, deliver me. Saviour, save me. If You hear me, please help. If you hear me, please let me know. If You hear me, please answer. G-d, I believe, help the unbelief that scars my soul.

I can’t trust You without You helping me. I can’t find You unless You let me see. I can’t hear You unless You unstop these ears.

I cry out again, Abba, Abba, Abba, please come.
I love You, You know I do.
I need You.
I can’t make it in this desert alone.
I need a drink from You, for You are living water.
Fill this soul with living water.
Lead me to the water that I may know how to drink.
Oh G-d I need You, I desperately do.