Long ago pushed aside
Given up on
Put asunder as not to create
Frustration, or desperation
Too deep to bear

No thank you
Leave me to be where I am
Let me be thankful for what I have
Rather than longing for what I’ve lost

He looks down,
His eyes penetrating this heart
That His hands fashioned,
“It’s not too much, love.
The deep within
Given by Me,
Buried by you.
It’s not too pressed down,
Not too far gone
That it can’t be known again.”

An open heart and
an open life,
Nothing to lose
Nothing to hide

How can I possibly
Let my heart die
and at the same time
Say You’re alive

An institutionally-prepared religion
Upholding words, withholding heart
To ones desperately seeking,
to those crying out
Never what it (or I) was meant to be

Heartache births hope afresh
Brokenness draws You near
Let desire within,
Erupt into life without
That many may see
And that I may believe



Original Photo by Gerard

Original Photo by Gerard

G-d came to me many years ago, and then again a few years ago, and then again. He didn’t come because I was good or because I was beautiful or because I was a delight to be with.

He didn’t come because he had heard of the latest book I had written or the awesome idea I had, or because of my articulate speech.

He came for none of those reasons. He didn’t come because I was good or great or worthy of his company.

It was the opposite really. I was crushed. I was broken. I didn’t know which way was up. I was confused and unsure of anything and my plans were in shambles. The ground was still shaking underneath my feet when he showed up.

When my mess was just about to take me under, he came.

My heart had lost hope. Disappointment had begun to take hold. I was just barely hanging on.

In this state, with sadness consuming my being, I looked up.

Help, G-d, please help. If there’s anything left for me, please help.

He came. He found me. He showed up.

When you wonder if he forgot your name
or if he sees you at all anymore

If you think there’s no way out of your situation.
or you’ve lost your way

If you’re not sure what has become of the life you envisioned

Help, G-d

Try it
What other option do you have?
What else could possibly move G-d more?

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart–
These, O God, You will not despise.

Psalm 51:17

Shortlink for Sharing: Desperate

Joining up with Kate Motaung and the FMF Community to write about one word for five minutes. No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Love of G-d

I am joining with Kate Motaung for Five Minute Friday. The goal is to write for five minutes about a word. No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Today’s prompt is:

loveofgod - Version 2

love of G-d

What do I have to learn? From yesterday and today? What about tomorrow? What is it You have to say in all the bumps and bruises from today? There is so much to gain in the day to day. There is so much for my heart to take in, yet I often think I have no ability left to receive.

For a moment my soul is captivated by the kindness of who You are. I remember it’s possible.

I then find myself drowning in the ache of disappointment. Just then, You visit me again. Just when I thought I couldn’t handle one more thing, You said that I’d be okay. You said that You’re my Father and You’ll help me. Somehow, despite myself, I believe You. You are so big yet my finite capacity almost paralyzes me at times. You give me the strength to carry on, to take in and embody all that You long to give to me.

Just when my tent pegs feel stretched to the max, You whisper sweetly to my heart, “Just a little more, a little further, just let Me have a little more of you.”

My heart momentarily responds like Job, thinking You ask more than You deserve of me. A moment passes when I realize how preposterous my heart can be in the most critical of moments.

You whisper again, “I love You. I know all of your ways.” My heart crumbles in a puddle of tears on the floor when I hear You. I remember the deal: I give myself to You, You in turn share Your heart with me. I remind myself that this is what I desire and this is what You desire. I remind myself that this will never be easy but it will be the best script anyone could have written for my life.

I remember Your beautiful affections for Your people. I remember Your immeasurable kindnesses towards me. I remember Your pleasure in my life. I am undone. I forget myself and free fall into You. My heart cries out in gratefulness from the deepest places within my being. Thank You Abba.

I need You again

I am joining with Kate Motaung for Five Minute Friday. The goal is to write for five minutes about a word. No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Today’s prompt is:



Abba, I want to be one who can give and give and give
and not count it as anything compared to
Your great worth
and all You’ve given to me

I want to give beyond what I could naturally give
of my heart, my love, my emotions, my time, my money
I want to live for something bigger, something greater
I want to live for You, Your ways, Your truth, Your reality
I want to live and give of the things of which there is no law
I want to live in peace, joy, patience, kindness

I want to give beyond what seems possible
but I can’t do this without You,
Without Your help, Your Holy Spirit, Your life, You

So I ask today for Your help
Please help me to continue to give of myself
and not hold back, and not withhold
No matter what comes
I want to be like You
Help me to be more like You

I want to know in the core of my being that You will answer
And that You are more real than anything else I’ve ever experienced or known
Please do this, please help me Father


the One whom my soul desires

As things get busier and life remains challenging
Stopping and reflecting becomes the forgotten art
between myself and my Maker

In some seasons
loss seems synonymous with life
Death of a loved one,
And seeming forgottenness pervade my reality
Disappointments creep up in my mind
and cause my heart to remember
what may be better left forgotten

The difficulties of life show themselves stronger
than I used to think they would be

Yet, despite it all
And greater than I could have imagined
is You
You are My Maker, My Creator,
You are My Beautiful Friend,
The true and only real Companion of my soul
I found You, You found me
What more could I ever have wanted for
You are the One my soul desires
My Beautiful G-d, My Benevolent Maker

a prayer to the G-d who is able – day 25

Every Day for Thirty-One Days
Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

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A Prayer to the G-d Who is Able

Abba, You know, You see the one who lost her father
and cannot find a safe place to grieve

Abba, You know, You see the woman who lost her husband
and can barely get her children dressed every morning,
Let alone comfort their fearful hearts in the midst
of loss, instability and insecurity all around

Abba, You know, You see the parents
who longed and longed for a baby,
and then finally received a baby girl
only to lose her three months later
because of one man’s hate
for a people You love beyond comprehension

Abba, You see the lost, the broken, the poor, the afflicted,
You see and You care and You move on their hearts

Abba, You see the recently fatherless teenage girl looking for affirmation and protection,
You see the grieving widow and children who are confused and sad
and don’t know where to turn,
You see the parents of the lost baby girl who now feel lost themselves,
You see the desperate, the lonely, the ones who have no way if You don’t come

Abba, I ask today that You would visit these ones,
and the other ones who are in desperate need of You today,
Would You break in by Your Spirit and touch these hearts and lives
and bring forth hope, restoration and redemption on their behalf
Would You make a way where there is no way for these afflicted ones

Abba, please have mercy, please make Yourself known
As Abba, Deliverer, Provider, Rescuer today
on behalf of the least in the Land You call home

This prayer is on behalf of friends in Israel today.

For Day 21 You do not forget Israel
For Day 22 Expectation Kadosh (Holy)
For Day 23 Will you watch for an hour?
For Day 24 faithful G-d

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His love is enough – day 14

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Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

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Today’s Prompt: Away

His love is enough

I can’t run away
from You,
From Your unrelenting, persevering love
Your love chases me down
When I’m not sure if anyone’s there
or if anyone cares,
Your love wraps all around me
You bring me to my knees
My heart feels Your mercy
The tears begin to fall
No matter the pain, or darkness,
No matter the anguish I’ve known
Your love reaches me
Your love chases me down

You have a son, Father
Your son is Israel
He cannot, will not get away from Your love
Abba, Father
If Your love is enough for me
Your love is enough
Your love is more than enough for Your beloved Son
Your beautiful one
Abba, may Your lovingkindness that chases me down
Bring Your people near once again
May Your tender mercy fall upon their hearts
May Your beautiful love draw them in
Abba, Your love is enough
For all of Israel’s pain and suffering

Israel, He sees, He knows, He comprehends all your ways
Let Him in again
He will heal Your broken heart
He will comfort your shaken soul
He is enough
And His desire is for you, O Israel
Abba longs that you come home

For Day 11 my perfect Father with a beautiful heart go to
For Day 12 G-d’s choice – a prayer go to
For Day 13 the labor of His soul go to

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aching with G-d – day 10

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Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

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Today’s Prompt: Care

aching with G-d

The life of an intercessor
Joining with Your heart
Joining with Your prayers

Waiting, watching, hoping, praying
Absolutely lost, finished,
if You do not answer

A life of desperation
and a life of aching with Him
Acutely caring for the things on His heart
The place of the heart being yoked with the only One
Who can take the burden and share His holy longing

Where are the wailing women today?
Where are those whose lives are marked by weeping and tears,
for the sake of the children, for the sake of Your people?

For the hurt of the daughter of my people I am hurt 1
It is the sound of Rachel weeping for her children
because they are no more 2

Abba, awaken our hearts to see and know,
To love and care,
To carry and be carried by You in the deep unto deep of Your heart
and Your burden

Let me be so close to You,
Hidden in Your heart

Share Your heart with me
I want to bridge the gap

Wail, cry, mourn, rejoice,
Agree with You
Bring redemption nigh, Abba
For Israel, Your Son
And for the sake of the whole earth
That You may be satisfied

1 Jeremiah 8:21
2 Jeremiah 31:15

For Day 7, His Heart Engraved go to
For Day 8, change our hearts go to
For Day 9, joined with You go to

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change our hearts – day 8

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change our hearts

Only You can change the heart of man
Only You can change me from the inside out
Only You can make me holy
Only You can visit and bring me life

Abba, this is my authentic cry
Please come speak to those who call on Your name
Abba, make a way for Your people
Help us to enter in
To that which is close to Your heart
Let us enter in to the groanings and longings
On Your heart today

We need You
We desperately do
We need You
We need You
We need You
Please come and visit us
Please come and show us who You really are
We need Your heart
We desire that You give us Your heart
Show us Your deep love for Your people Israel
to whom was give sonship, the Torah, temple service,

Abba, Awaken our hearts and draw us into Yours
We want to live out Your love for Your people
Give us Your heart, Your holy living desire
For this one You long for

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A Yom Kippur Prayer – day 4

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I’m veering off course today because it is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement (Leviticus 16). The Jewish community in every place goes through prayers of repentance asking for forgiveness and atonement on this day every year. I am sharing a prayer of repentance and hope it will resonate and draw you nearer to G-d.

Forgive me for not trusting You
Forgive me for not coming to You on the basis of who You are
Forgive me for not obeying You
Forgive me for not getting up early to hear Your word
Forgive me for running about and busyness
Forgive me for not searching my heart and not searching Your word
but rather searching other’s words to satisfy my soul
Forgive me for doing the very thing I see as weakness and sin in others
Forgive me for trusting in my own ways instead of trusting in You
Forgive me Father, Forgive me Abba

Cleanse me from all unrighteousness, O God
Forgive me for aching for Your Kingdom without living it
Abba, please bridge this gap
Between my holy longing and Your great desire

Forgive me for pleasing myself instead of pleasing You
Forgive me for hatred in my heart and walking in the flesh
Instead of walking in the Spirit from whom I have life

May You find forgiveness and be written in the Book of Life today.