Abba Father

You
and then me

You
running after me
coming after me
chasing me down

You
calling out my name
reminding me who I am
of who I belong to

“Daughter,” you said.
I turned around astonished
Almost asking who you were,
as if I didn’t know
Yet that word, that one word caught my heart off guard

“Daughter,” you said again.
“Abba, is that you? Abba Father, is that you?” I said, as if my eyes were blind
and I could not see
In a fatherless world of perfectionism
and survival of my soul
My breath nearly left me
My soul was shaking

I knew this One
I had heard about Him all of my life
And hoped the stories were true
I knew Him
Deep within I knew
“Abba Father, thank God You’re real and You came. You came for me.”
With these words I ran to Him
My heart wide open
into His arms wide open

This daughter
Full of grief
Heart bleeding
Hurting so deeply
And angry, so angry
That he had been taken
The father I’d always hoped to get to know left this life
No stable ground
Anywhere

Loss untold
and grief beyond understanding
As it goes

And only You
Only You
My Abba Father
Could relieve this suffering
Only you could heal this broken heart
Only you could remove the shame and darkness
That dampened my soul for more years than I wish to recall

Abba Father
You father the fatherless
You comfort the motherless
You answer the cries of the brokenhearted
and you heal the wounded soul

Astounding
Incomprehensible
Mystery Unimaginable

May my life be the song of love I sing back to you
Because you’ve given me life and you’ve been so kind
Gratitude and thanksgiving this day I choose

#februaryfreewrite

Created for G-d

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There is a heartbeat beating – ba boom, ba boom, ba boom. It is the heartbeat of the creator. It is the heartbeat of the one God. It is the heartbeat of Abba.

There is an ache inside the one and only God who created all things.

He created the molecules that make up the elements within the air that I breathe. He created the raw material that makes up my physical heart that beats and pumps blood and causes me to exist. He created my emotions, my soul, every part of me that feels and desires and wills and wants. This was brought into existence because of his desire. By his will I exist. Every part of my life that speaks, speaks because of his plan and his longing for me.

By his will you exist. You live and breathe and have being because God himself wanted you here. Every living being was created by God. Every person on the earth today, throughout history and for the rest of the existence of humanity was created by God. Whether you love him, you hate him, or you want him not to exist, he made you and he wants you still. You can wish he wasn’t there because of the suffering of your life, but you cannot will him away. He exists and he will always exist. He never did not exist.

All the brilliant thoughts of man are incomparable to the reality that we think because God is. He created and stewarded our minds to think. He fashioned and formed all humanity in his own image. You think because he is. You feel because he is. You live because he wanted you to live. You are a part of his family because he desired you to be. He wanted every human he created to be a part of his family because he is Abba. He is a father in his very essence.

He will continue to exist far beyond my life, your life and the lives of all those yet to be born. All things exist because of him. Everything good exists because of him. The ability to offer your love to him was given by him. The ability to love at all was instilled inside of us by him because we’ve been made like him. He is our creator and he is a father and he is the only one good. Nothing apart from him is good on its own. He gave us the ability to love him. He gave us the intent of heart and the emotions within to love. Love is from God and he loves us as his creation. He wants us to offer ourselves back to him freely in love because of the love he showed to us.

He gave us love, life and the ability to freely choose him. The choice between life and death, good and evil were given by him. Choose to love him. Choose life and good. Choose to follow him all the days of your life.

Filled with Delight

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Writing Every Day for Thirty-One Days
about
Encountering Abba’s Heart
Go to: http://wp.me/s3vZRl-31days

Day 23: Joy

Little girl had some wonderful conversations with Abba. Abba comprehended her so well. She was overjoyed as they talked about the waves and the ocean and her excitement and fears.

Little girl was more undone by Abba every day. She was so thankful for him and for his heart of love for her. He loved her so and she knew it. She knew she was his daughter.

Little girl thought about how much she was like Abba. This thought gave her so much joy. She felt so thankful to be filled with so much life and so much love. She knew it was because of Abba. She knew she would not be here without him.

Little girl thought about all of this as she lay on her bed about to fall asleep. She was so content. She was so thankful. She was so filled with delight and she knew it was all because of Abba.

Shortlink for Sharing: http://wp.me/p3vZRl-ge

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge
with

http://write31days.com
31-Days

and

http://katemotaung.com/31-days-2/31-days-of-five-minute-free-writes-2015-edition-link-up-here/
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Adoption Day

Abba, I Belong to You 2

Writing Every Day for Thirty-One Days
about
Encountering Abba’s Heart
Links to each installment can be found here: http://wp.me/s3vZRl-31days

Day 8: Purple

He loved her so much. She loved him too. He was so good to her, so kind to her. Little girl loved her Abba and her new family.

Little girl had always dreamed of being a princess and someone’s daughter. She pictured herself wearing a beautiful gown of purple with a tiara that fit her perfectly. She imagined her beautiful castle, but even more she always imagined her wonderful family.

Abba knew little girl’s heart’s desires. He surprised her with the purple gown of her dreams and a tiara as well one morning. It was the morning of her adoption.

Little girl loved her new beautiful purple gown. She couldn’t wait for everyone to see her wonderful Abba. As they got ready to go to the adoption ceremony, he took her hand in his and they walked together. This was the day she’d always been waiting for: the day of her adoption. The day she officially became a daughter of the king.

Shortlink for Sharing: http://wp.me/p3vZRl-e2

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge
with

http://write31days.com
31-Days

and

http://katemotaung.com/31-days-2/31-days-of-five-minute-free-writes-2015-edition-link-up-here/
october-600x900

A Heart to Love You

I am joining with Kate Motaung for Five Minute Friday. The goal is to write for five minutes about a word. No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Today’s prompt is:

Gift

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A Heart to Love You

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This gift You’ve given
The gift of a heart to love You
The gift of intimacy with You
This gift of friendship with G-d
I do not take it lightly

Let me never forgot all You have done
That I might know You
That I might love You
That I might be Yours
All of the days of my life

Thank You for giving me the gift of life
You who are filled with love, with joy, with beauty
Thank You that I find life inside of who You are
That Your life sustains me

Who am I
That You formed and fashioned me in my mother’s womb
To be Your child, Your beloved One
To give myself fully and completely to You in love
To love You with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength

I love You
Let me love You more
Thank You for a heart that has been softened and touched by You,
by Your presence
Thank You for a heart that has been molded and made,
day by day,
into the image of the Creator
Thank You that I am united with You in love

What a beautiful gift You’ve given
Thank You, beloved G-d
Thank You, Abba
Thank You, Melech ha’Olam
There is none like You

http://wp.me/p3vZRl-aW

This is Real Life

I am joining with Kate Motaung for Five Minute Friday. The goal is to write for five minutes about a word. No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Today’s prompt is:

Real

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This is Real Life

You are more real than anything
I’ve ever tasted
You are more real than anything
I could ever have wanted
You are more real than anything
I desired
and all You desire is that I choose You, Your life, Your love
You are more real than all the things I hoped for, wanted, or sought out
Thank You for the essence of who You are, Your authentic love for me

You are more real than any love I’ve ever known
You love is great
Your kindness is unsearchable

G-d of glory
Abba of my heart
Creator of thunder and lightning
G-d of gods
King of the whole earth
Holy One of Israel
There is none like You

Chief among ten thousand
G-d of Abraham,
G-d of Isaac,
G-d of Jacob
You are the one G-d
The real G-d
The living One

The reality of who You are
Penetrating the essence of me
My soul laid bare before You
The reality of Your love
Breathing life into this weary soul
Life for death
Light for darkness
Love for abandonment

You are the beautiful God
Filled with life
There’s nothing more real than You
There’s nothing more authentic than living before You

There is none before You
There is none after You
You love me
I love You
This is real life

http://wp.me/p3vZRl-aA

A Medley of Short Notes to Grief

I am joining with Kate Motaung for letters to grief link up :: share your story

http://katemotaung.com/2014/12/22/letters-to-grief-link-up-share-your-story/

A Medley of Short Notes to Grief
(in which my convoluted relationship with grief displays itself)

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Letter to Grief Part I
O grief, my heart and thoughts are divided over you. I love you and I hate you. You’ve been too close of a companion since I was young when my father departed this phase of life.

You remind me over and over that you are there, and that you await me. You attempt to wrap your tentacles of sorrow around my soul, hoping I will again believe you instead of believing Abba. You remind me of my history, and sometimes tell me what my future will be.

Yet, here, O grief, I draw the line. You cannot and will not dictate what is to come for me. My good Abba decides such things, and I will listen to and agree with His desire and care for my soul.

You will not tell my heart what I must believe. Your shadow is not greater than Abba’s light. Your platter of intricately fashioned heaviness that you try to serve me is not tempting anymore. I choose life and joy instead. You are diminishing in me as His whisper awakens my soul.

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Letter to Grief Part II
You are an ebb and flow, O grief
As the vibrancy of the notes of the symphony rise with ever-increasing intensity and then fall again, you are the stringed instrument left playing a soft chilling refrain eerily murmuring to my soul,
I attempt to shut out your haunting melody not wanting to hear one more familiar note

You are not my friend, yet you have been so close
You crept up on me so many years ago
You visited once, and then came back again and again,
Presuming you were welcome

Grief, you are woefully terrible.
You are an opportunist waiting for a miscommunication, or a feeling of rejection, or a lie, or an accusation to hastily show up again

Grief, you haven’t told me the truth. You’ve tried to come and find me and strangle me. You’ve crossed the line.

You’ve attempted to seize my heart as if you were its master
Yet, grief, you are not my master, and you are not my friend
Death, where you find your strength, will one day be overcome
The sting of death is already awaiting burial

Time after time, again and again, you come and you attempt to grasp hold of my heart and my emotions, yet you have lost

Grief, go back to the pit where you belong

Death, sorrow, and mourning will one day soon have its end
Grief, you will go with them to burn up and be consumed by life eternal

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Letter to Grief Part III
O grief, can I cast you away altogether?
For I remember when you first came, and He came as well
I remember when you visited me with your waves of sadness
So He visited me with a deluge of His comfort

O grief, can I condemn you altogether?
For every time you visited, He came too
Every moment you tried to grip my soul,
All I had to do was cry out and Abba quickly rescued my soul from you

As I end my letter, I turn my words and my eyes to Abba who is my true Friend, my true Master, and my true Father

I say to Him:

Abba, Father, My G-d, My Maker
It is with gratefulness I write
It is with thankfulness I am able to seek you
It is with gladness deep within my heart and soul
That I cry out to You today,
To the One who found me in the midst of misery and loss
You found me, You rescued me,
You saved me from darkness and death completely
You brought me joy,
And You will bring me joy again,
That I may know You more,
That I may serve You wholeheartedly
That I may love You and love others freely
Without fear of loss
Your love will wipe out death and sorrow and grief
Thank You that Your love and Your life within will have its way in me

LetterstoGrief

http://wp.me/p3vZRl-9a