His love is enough – day 14

Joining the 31 Day online writing challenge
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Every Day for Thirty-One Days
Abba’s Heartbeat for Israel

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Today’s Prompt: Away

His love is enough

I can’t run away
from You,
From Your unrelenting, persevering love
Your love chases me down
When I’m not sure if anyone’s there
or if anyone cares,
Your love wraps all around me
You bring me to my knees
My heart feels Your mercy
The tears begin to fall
No matter the pain, or darkness,
No matter the anguish I’ve known
Your love reaches me
Your love chases me down

You have a son, Father
Your son is Israel
He cannot, will not get away from Your love
Abba, Father
If Your love is enough for me
Your love is enough
Your love is more than enough for Your beloved Son
Your beautiful one
Abba, may Your lovingkindness that chases me down
Bring Your people near once again
May Your tender mercy fall upon their hearts
May Your beautiful love draw them in
Abba, Your love is enough
For all of Israel’s pain and suffering

Israel, He sees, He knows, He comprehends all your ways
Let Him in again
He will heal Your broken heart
He will comfort your shaken soul
He is enough
And His desire is for you, O Israel
Abba longs that you come home

For Day 11 my perfect Father with a beautiful heart go to http://wp.me/p3vZRl-6j
For Day 12 G-d’s choice – a prayer go to http://wp.me/p3vZRl-6s
For Day 13 the labor of His soul go to http://wp.me/p3vZRl-6z

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Write 31 Days

shortlink: http://wp.me/p3vZRl-6G

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הסד

the girl I once was

הסד – the grace, favour, mercy of G-d towards humanity

My eyes wander past the parking lot of my local market as I walk out the sliding glass doors. I see swings and slides and monkey bars just a few short steps away. How many times have I walked out these doors and never noticed or paid attention to the sights and sounds of a playground reminding me of days gone by? Today I see the yellow slides. Today I see the blue stairs leading to the top of the castlelike structure. Today I hear the voices of children playing. The bright colors, the multifaceted dimensions, the sounds of laughter draw my attention today, despite the fact that I’ve learned to look past this, and many other playgrounds, to see the more “important” things of life, the things that demand of me rather than invite the girl I once was.

I guess I’ve grown up in measure, yet my experience of that process and the comfortability of supposedly being someone who knows something makes me wonder when I get to grow back down. When can I go back to the place of wonder and questions and taking the moments as they come? And what is my grown up self supposed to look like anyway? A good job, a “stable” life, marriage, kids maybe, go to bed early, get up early, be responsible, too busy for childish things, not enough time to process, no time to pay attention to the dullest whimpers within. Yes, whimpers, weak pathetic cries, unsure if they are being heard, and barely even legitimate cries anymore. Just keep pushing the cries down. If you ignore them long enough, maybe they’ll just go away. If that’s being a grown up, I’m not sure I like it very much. Learning to be just cynical enough to coast through life without being so affected any longer.

I studied and I gained knowledge. I got some letters behind my name, took some vows and tried to take care of grown up things. Yet those cries within, they didn’t stop, they only got louder. As a grown up, I’m supposed to be okay, right? I don’t have time to attend to these cries. I don’t have time or energy for this. I have a life. I don’t have time to break down and not be okay. And besides that, I don’t want to. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to feel the ache of all those years of loss. I don’t want to. I didn’t grow up for this. And every time I said no to the heartache of the girl I once was, in trade I received another callous layer, helping to cover and protect the wound of her heart.

Unfortunately, some very grown up things had visited the girl I once was before she was grown up. These things eventually tied her hands, bound her and took her captive. The callous over her heart became thicker and thicker. At 17, when her father died and left her for the last time, the little girl I once was seemingly died too.

Thank G-d that’s not the end of the story. Thank G-d.

One day, the girl I once was, her real Abba showed up. He reminded the one who’d taken her captive Whose daughter she was. On that day, Abba demanded her release. She slowly emerged from the place of her captivity, disheveled and sullied. As she lifted her head, she saw her Abba, and the girl I once was came alive again as she realized the One she’d always hoped was real was there, looking at her with delight in His eyes, waiting with open arms for her to run into. As He bent down towards her, she began to weakly run towards Him until He picked her up and whisked her around and then brought her close to Him and held her and hugged her and kissed her head like she knew He always would.

the girl I once was came back to life that day. Thank G-d. She found the home she was always looking for in her Abba’s embrace. I wish I could say the journey to healing and wholeness has been easy and simple since then, but it hasn’t. It’s been grueling and painful yet indescribably beautiful at the same time. Abba came and embraced the girl I once was and I have been working to do the same for years since then. I’ve set my face like flint to choose to let Him give me back all that was lost and to recover the heart of the girl I once was and the girl I am today.

Today I am participating in The Story Sessions’ “The Girls We Once Were”. Join us here. http://www.thestorysessions.com

http://wp.me/p3vZRl-2o

I live and I pray and I write because His faithful love (חסד) came and rescued me and I know He will do this for Israel because this is what He longs for and this is who He is. His faithful love (חסד) is towards Israel, therefore His faithful love is towards me and all who trust in Him. See Hosea.

G-d of the least

surely He will come to all who are thirsty, hungry, needy. surely He will deliver the brokenhearted. surely I am not alone in clinging to G-d and desiring that these things be true and relevant, even for the weakest ones.

will You come and meet the least. will You come and bring life to those who are dying. will You really bind up the brokenhearted and free the captives. will You heal the hearts of the long-afflicted. can you still soothe Israel’s wounds. surely Your justice will not fail. surely it will come. surely You will come and You will deliver.

I choose to believe You will Father and care for the fatherless and the widow in her distress. I believe You can and will free the oppressed. I choose to trust and cling to the goodness and faithfulness of who You are. You are faithful to Israel and You will be faithful to me and all who have desperate need of You.

http://wp.me/p3vZRl-12